Problem: I come from a pretty dysfunctional family and it shows. In our home of origin, anger was the most expressed emotion. I grew up an angry young man and I had so many problems. My anger got me into physical fights and lots of other problems. I would admit my anger nearly ruined my life.

I was in and out of relationships because I really did not know how to handle love. I was just angry and resentful most of my life. I finally found a good woman who was interested in me. She was kind and gentle and very encouraging. The problem is that I take advantage of her good nature and feel like our relationship is going to end because of me. She is always kind but I can see the look on her face when I act out. I have never hit her, but I’m sure I look like I will. She maintains that she loves me.

Discussion: The good thing about what you are describing is that you recognize that there is a problem. You seem to still have an anger issue. I believe that you need to get some help before you ruin this relationship. You can recognize a problem but insight is not enough. You must do something about it.

Unresolved anger comes out in so many ways, and a lot of it is about our being angry with ourselves. I would not be surprised if you did not have other issues that go along with your anger maybe even depression and anxiety. I think that you need to find a therapist who knows how to help you with your past and present issues. You see our history follows us until we learn from it, resolve it and do something with it. Your anger issue is painful to you and to those you choose to love because it is a lingering problem.

Be gentle with yourself and be aware enough to get some help.

P.S. No one can “fix” us, it is an inside job of learning to love and respect yourself.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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