Juanita

Problem:

It happened again. I have a brother, who is well meaning enough, but it seems like every get together he is intoxicated. It is not a little, it is a lot. He denies having problems with alcohol and I have brought it to his attention in the past. He was supposed to be mindful and not drink so much, but he was plastered at our get together.

I don’t know what to do, because he seems oblivious to the problem. He is single and probably because of this issue. I love him but am thinking of saying if he cannot stay sober for a few hours he is not welcome at our next get together. Other family members saw all that went on at Thanksgiving and, although offended, do not want to say anything. What should I do?

Discussion:

I guess if you are the hostess and you make a request that he cannot or will not honor, a private talk is in order. He is entitled to do whatever he wants in his home, but your home is yours so I believe you are entitled to the rules of your home.

If you are providing alcohol and it is light refreshment I think that is different, than buying excessive alcohol and expecting that no one will get tipsy. Holidays are often chaotic because of too much alcohol. Perhaps, even though the family does not want to talk about it, limit the alcohol in your home and make sure there aren’t those who bring their own and make sure everyone knows your guideline. The other option is not to host the get together and leave when you feel like it. Alcohol is not bad, it is the overuse of it that surely does ruin more than one family function.

I am all for the rules of your own home being clear. Be clear in a respectful way no blaming, just the rules of your home.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or contact High Plains Journal.

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