Problem:

Juanita

I am one of those people who hates going home for the holidays to see family who are not accommodating and downright rude. I have tried and I have small children who don’t know how to respond to the awful things my mother decides to say. I have tried talking to her, but to no avail. She does not listen. My husband says I should try, but I am just tired. It does not seem worth it to go and have a bad month following.

Discussion:

I am not sure if you have ever heard of toxic relationships but it sounds like being around family is toxic to you. If you have tried to be diplomatic and you are still not heard, maybe it is time to stay away from your family for awhile.

There are just times in life where we have to create peace by the choices we make in regard to family and people in general. If you are unable to come away from a visit without some form of peace, stay home. If you are asked why, you can choose to tell the truth or tell the truth of our family traditions are changing and we want more time at home with our children. We choose to have time that is good for the kids and ourselves. Any form of that truth is good. Only you can decide what to do, but it is up to you to do that.

Here is your mantra for the coming holidays and new year: I choose peace.

There are no perfect families and that is the truth, so we deal with our families the best way we can and still honor ourselves in the process.

The Four Agreements come to mind:

1. Be impeccable with your word;

2. Do not take anything personally;

3. Do not mind read (more or less); and

4. Do the best you can.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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