Problem:

Juanita

I’m considering divorce. I have been married for quite awhile and my wife and I rarely have sex. When we first got together it was fun and exciting and once we got married the fun part tapered off. Our sex life did not die, but children, work and it seems like everything else took over. The children are grown and gone so that is not a problem.

I love my wife but now that we have time, I am not sure how to bring up the subject. Because when I try she pretty much blows me off. I don’t want to make love to someone who is so disengaged. Is this natural to want sex and love making when we have been together for so many years?

Discussion:

I think it is natural to want to make love to your wife and vice versa. You did not give many details, so lets go from where you are at. What kind of conversation have you had about this challenge. It could be your approach, it could be a lot of things, but I am not sure that you need to consider divorce at this point with so little insight.

If you felt that your love for your wife was gone then I would think of possible divorce. However romantic love is worth rebuilding. When is the last time you spent a romantic weekend together without the hint that you were looking for sex. I believe that women are not interested in trading going to the movies for sexual interaction. You both have let the relationship slip. If there is love still there, you’re both going to have to do something different.

I rarely find couples who actually talk about the issues of their marriage. They often talk around the issue and hope their spouse will figure it out. If you care to stay married, I would encourage you both to seek the help of a professional who can help you with this challenge. There is usually a solution for most problems. Seek out a counselor you are comfortable with and learn a few things. Don’t give up on a relationship that can be saved.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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