Problem:

Juanita

My wife is the least romantic person that I have ever known. I dated quite a bit so I think I have something to compare it to. I am not trying to compare but it is apparent that I am the romantic partner. I never miss anniversaries or birthdays and, for that matter, times that I just feel like sending her flowers or whatever. She nods and says thanks but she never seems too interested in my caring gestures.

I am at a loss. Do I just quit doing what I have been doing or what? Valentine’s Day is coming up, but truthfully I do not feel too enthused about getting her anything since she seems so unappreciative. Maybe I am being selfish or something, because I want her to be happy that I have gone to the trouble to show I care.

Discussion:

It sounds like you are a caring person, who wants some acknowledgement of your caring gestures. I don’t think that is bad, but maybe your method is not hitting the mark. Women in general like gifts, but there are those women who say behavior speaks louder than a gift.

I would suggest that you find out what your wife likes. Ask her directly and tell her that you want her to know that you care. Admit that there are times that you have given her something and she did not seem appreciative. Ask her if there is something else that makes her feel cared for other than gifts. It could be everyday things that make her feel cared for. Examples of caring behavior might be: help around the house, help with children, a date, an out of town stay without children, alone time to think, having coffee together in the morning. There are so many things other than gifts that people appreciate. You want to know, so ask.

Think of how valuable time is, when most people have so little of it. A caring behavior could be inviting your wife to rest and you prepare dinner. Offering to take care of children while she takes a nap or takes a leisurely bubble bath, would be a caring behavior. You might be surprised at the things that make her feel cared for. She might be appreciating your gifts and is just not a demonstrative person.

Hint: If you do not understand something ask for more information, do not assume there is a problem.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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