Problem:

Juanita

This is a touchy subject with me, but I am often offended by other people. The way people look at me, the way they talk to me and some really way out there things. I have always been very sensitive person and my mother did little to help with that as she was a very critical person. There was very little I could do to make her happy. I don’t think she was a happy person to begin with. Anyway, as a child I kept to myself and had few friends, and if someone looked at me crooked I was easily brought to tears.

I spend a lot of time wondering what people are thinking and it affects me badly. I have dated a little but that was mostly disastrous. It seemed to me that most of the guys that were interested in me, had similar critical natures and often were criticizing and demeaning. I have figured I could live alone rather than be with someone who was so ugly to me.

The thing is, I am lonely and someday I would hope that I could be married with a child. I am afraid that I will just grow old and that will be that. Fear is another issue that keeps me stuck. Can I be helped?

Discussion:

I can understand that your life has been difficult, but at some point you must get over your past to move to a better future. It seems like some of us carry around our history without ever looking at how to get over it.

When you think that everyone is looking at you with criticism it becomes a very self-centered outlook. It really is your self-esteem and your own self-criticism that is the problem. People are so interested in themselves that they more than likely do not have time to consider you. It is a reality that makes sense, though. People have their own worries and concerns that they are thinking of. You are a side issue to most people. The fact is that most of us have our own work to do rather than taking the time to consider the rest of the world.

I am suggesting that you get some help from a good therapist that has the insight to help you deal with your past so you can graciously move on. It is hard to find a good relationship when we don’t feel good about ourselves.

P.S. I am available.

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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